Friday, November 13, 2009

I asked and I received

I was in a valley
I cried out to Jesus
So many questions
No answers
Just peace
I thought I was trusting Him
But no
The moment I let it go,
It was gone.
But He was left
He had always been there
He never left me
He wanted me to turn
Turn to Him
He wanted to fill that gap
All I had to do was believe

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

going down

FU depression...why do you have to linger around me? You rot my thoughts like a worm on a decaying apple... you turn everything good into bad. I want to be happy like everyone else, but I get to only for a moment before you destroy everything kind about me. My laughter spoils; you ruin it all.No one wants to be around you- not even me- but you engulf my mind and make it your home. I can't ignore you anymore. I just wanted to tell you FU, that's all.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Why do Christians judge?


“Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and; behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”

I am tired of feeling judged by the people who should be on my side. Christians have this arrogant way about them; I can understand why some people get turned off by churches or Christians. They are intimidated instead of welcoming. Some of them are "happy" and say that all of us should follow God and we will all be "happy." Well, I don't buy it. I think God has us at different stages. Some Christians say, " If you just make the decision to follow Christ, then you will be at peace." Well yes, choosing God is wonderful and all, but they don't know how hard it can be sometimes. What if you are alone? Then they will say, "Don't be alone." I truly am NOT striving for perfection. I strive to gain Christ. If I was happy with God all the time then what is the point of even having him. With my situation, he brings me through trials to make me stronger.

So are you just going to tell me, a depressed person, that I can follow God right now and be happy the rest of my life? Well, I feel the opposite. Ever since I put God into my life, it has gotten crazy. It's as if I can't do anything right. And what would a Christian say? They would say, "Just take the blood because there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Ok, that's nice and all, and I am so glad that it is so easy for you to just turn back to Him. Well, where I am at right now, I can't. That doesn't mean that I don't want to be. But right now I don't even have the drive to go to school, work, or even to live. So try and help me instead of preach to me. I want to hang around people that I can be honest with, not "fake my happiness" around. I am tired of faking how I am.

I am not ashamed of who I am. I am saying this because I know that I am a hypocrite and a sinner and that I need help. But, I refuse to get help from people who sit there and judge me. So I tell you all to meet someone where THEY are at, NOT where you are at. Some of us are just babies in the Lord and need a helping hand. God judges in the end and that is enough pressure for someone.