I want the world to love me, but God loves me

Who I was and who I am
Are like night and day
One free and crazy
The other obedient to the Maker
But there can't be middle ground
I can't have my cake and eat it too.

I once heard lukewarm is worse
Than not choosing a side.
Too be free and careless is to
Fit in with the world,
But I can't go back
Even if I am hated, I can't go back.

Am I too serious about all of this?
Why is following Love
Such a bad thing to the world?
I want the world to love me,
But GOD LOVES ME.
... sigh ...

Sometimes it feels like it's not enough
But what are feelings anyway
But a passing lie in time.
God is the Truth and the Light and the Way
Why should I be afraid to gain Christ?
...Because I won't be accepted by the world.

Wait. I want the prize so bad
The angels beside me are
Cheering me on
And the Love of God
is with me always
To live is Christ, but to die is gain!

I'm not where I need to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be!!!

This is hard to write this because sometimes my mind gets caught up in past memories. I guess I just don't understand how my best friends, when I was younger, are no longer around when I am older. Of course, the person I use to be is not the same person I am now, so why am I so upset? Was I the only one in that group that strayed away, or did they stray away from me? I guess I get upset because I feel like I have done something wrong, when in reality I was just following God. God doesn't want me to drink or smoke anymore along with flirting with men. It seems like when I quit doing that years ago, I lost a lot of "friends." Why would I want to be around those "friends" anyway if they are not going to accept me for who I am now? Maybe God doesn't want me to be around them anyway. What did I do that was so wrong that people just ignore me when they see me? I am not a bad person. People can be so cruel!

Enough of that! These feelings can't be good because they will eventually sink me into a depression which God already saved me from! I have many things to be grateful for, and I don't need the past getting in my way. God is so good to me, my huge family is awesome... not to mention my wonder fiancee who treats me like a princess! And, I am building some awesome friendships that really matter!!! So goodbye to my past once again! All I have to do is turn my mind away from the past and focus on the future and all of the amazing possibilities God has in store for me!! Maybe God has some great friends waiting for me who actually care about my well-being!