Sunday, March 21, 2010

My goal is to know Christ.

Wow, it has been a long time since my last post, but that is because a lot has been going on. I have a very extreme personality, therefor my decisions are extreme. I had a strange feeling that if I tried to follow God, the same things were going to happen. What happened previously was that I went to church, home-meetings, bible studies, and even worked summers on campus with the ministry. It was too much for me, because I didn't know when to say "no," and I felt like if I did, then God and others would look down upon me.

Lately with the help of Joyce Meyer and numerous prayers to God, I found out the answer. I was so scared about letting God down that I became idol. I would sit in my apartment days at a time without even leaving it. That just sounds crazy I know; but, I was so scared of letting everyone down that I figured I would just not even try. Well that is definitely NOT what God wants. I was scared of finding a church because I wouldn't be accepted. I was scared of having friends because they may think I was weird. I couldn't even date the guy I loved because I didn't love myself... it has been a sad couple of months.

But I will tell you one thing, and it's that Christ lives in me, He loves me, and wants me to do his will!!

I at least have to try, because not doing anything is more miserable that messing up! I am learning to turn the negative into positive with the help of God, and trust that he will guide me to where I need to be.

So often do I try to control my life... and it NEVER works out. I would proclaim that I would give all of my problems to God, but secretly I was holding on to them. I really like knowing what is going to happen with my life, and with God I don't know! I think that is what is so special about our relationship~ it wouldn't be faith if we could see

So I pray to continue a REAL relationship with God and trust in Him so that I can get my mind off of myself and help the people in this world.