Friday, September 18, 2009

Trying to make sense


Change. It's so gradual that I don't see it until it appears as a shadow following me. Noticing slight changes in my actions...ok, maybe not so slight! I feel like I am growing in a positive way with the Lord, but why do I feel so...how do I say this...boring. It seems like living as Christ wants me to live is so dull. I say this knowing that it's not, but yet my flesh tells me different.

Going out to bars and smoky dance halls sounds like fun, but it just doesn't seem like I am interested in those things. Why? Those THINGS use to be what I enjoyed yet there is a hesitance the moment the idea comes to mind. I think my boyfriend has a lot to do with it.

When you love someone, you want to protect them...even from yourself. In order to do that you must protect yourself from yourself. I know this doesn't make a lot of sense, but that's why I am trying to figure out this change. I think he uses people for his ultimate purpose, his will.

I feel like I would have more friends if I was involved in sin... that sounds weird now that I write it like that...

What does God want? He wants me, just me. He wants a clean home in my heart, not filled with destruction. So I can keep moving in this positive direction knowing that I should be happy with the Lord; he should be my satisfaction! I will ask him for his enjoyment, and for it to satisfy me fully til I am overflowing with him.

1 comment:

  1. Are you going to church anywhere? That my sound like an "easy" answer, but if you plug in somewhere you can become involved in Kingdom work. Be encouraged to continue to run the race no matter what. God Bless.

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